crabby

This morning, I woke up with a bad headache and it’s pounding on my left temple. Haven't been getting enough sleep lately, not to sure why, but it's realy making me groggy now. It felt like they opened up a factory in my head, and they’re operating overtime. It's killing me. I can feel the knive sticking my back brain. The feeling of being awake, alert, groggy, headache are not a very nice combination. My brain hurts... Can't think of any now.And my knees, oooh... my knees are wobbling too! What a complete missarable life today!

I'm such a crabby now. crabby crabby crabby!
And I'm tottaly shutdown.... *bbzzzz...zzzzzz*

Hmmm...not sure what i'm writing about because I'm feeling a bit phased out. So.....yeah, okay, time to stop blogging cause i'm slowly losing focus now!

Tattooed On My Mind

Seperti kata George Michael dan Lisa Stansfield: these are the days of our life...
Lirik yang tepat mendeskripsikan perasaan gue sekarang.. Gue kangen momen-momen yang pernah mengisi hari-hari di Duri. Kalau saja semuanya bisa di ulang kembali, kalau saja ada mesin waktu seperti di film Back To The Future yang bisa membawa kembali ke momen itu. Kalau saja gue bisa minjem barang 1 hari, dan me-rewind semua kisah di masa lalu. Karena gue kangen dengan semua kenangan Duri...



Gue kangen dengan bau rumput dan tanah di pagi hari, ketika embun masi nempel di setiap tumbuhan hijau...
Gue kangen suara binatang yang membangunkan gue di pagi hari...
Gue kangen dengan suara bel jam 7pagi dan bell jam 3.30 sore yang menandakan jam kerja Caltex...
Gue kangen bau rumah sibayak dan bau rumah-rumah lainnya di setiap kompleks...
Gue kangen berlari-larian menjemput papi di halaman depan ketika pulang kerja...
Gue kangen belanja es krim di comissary...
Gue kangen ngejar sinterklas, berlari-lari dan berlomba-lomba dengan anak-anak lain untuk berebut permen dan haidah lain, beberapa hari sebelum natal tiba...
Gue kangen dengan perasaan tegang dan takut ketika melihat Swart Piet (pit hitam), melambai-lambaikan sapunya di atas mobil fire...
Gue kangen memanjat pohon dan bangun rumah pohon di dalam hutan sama anak-anak lain...
Gue kangen bau rumput basah di halaman setelah hujan...
Gue kangen bau tanah di keruk dan bau minyak mentah yang di siram mesin graider di jalan-jalan sekitar kompleks...
Gue kangen suasan kolam renang di pagi sabtu, ketika kita semua menyatu, berenang dan bermain sama anak-anak bule lainnya, tanpa ada batasa ras dan perasaan takut...
Gue kangen mencium bau hamburger di club...
Gue kangen menonton, memerhatikan dan menanti dengan sabar ketika pak Syawal membakarkan daging-daging burger itu, mengoleskan krim mayonaise dengan tebal, menyusun daun-daun selada dan potongan-potongan tomat segar di dalam roti burger yang udah kami pesan...
Gue kangen bermain-main dengan pancing, kail, dan berlari-larian di atas kapal pompong, di atas sungai rangau yang lebar...
Gue kangen main tenis tiap malam minggu dan di saat sekolah libur...
Gue kangen nongkrong di children's library dan bisa baca segala macam buku-buku lokal dan buku-buku asing...
Gue kangen main di lapangan baseball...
Gue kangen lari-lari mengejar bola di lapangan golf...
Gue kangen main sepeda di dalam lapangan golf...
Gue kangen berada di luar dan menghirup udara sepuas-puasnya, ketika mata hari sore mulai teduh dan terbenam...
Gue kangen dengan mobil-mobil berwarna kuning-kehijauan yang lewat di setiap sudut kompleks...
Gue kangen dengar teriakan-teriakan "bingo" di widuri club...
Gue kangen melototin papan binggo dan perasaan cemas ketika nomer gue udah hampir terisi semua...
Gue kangen minum dari water cooler di saat mata hari panas menyengat...
Gue kangen pada masa-masa papi membawa kami berjalan-jalan dengan mobil mengitari seluruh camp di malam hari...
Gue kangen melihat lampion-lampion dan labu-labu halloween di halaman rumah, di ujung bulan oktober...
Gue kangen mencuri 1-2 buah cherry dari dalam kaleng, di comissary...
Gue kangen naik sepeda di malam hari tanpa ada perasaan takut, dan bisa menghirup udara malam yang murni...
Gue bahkan kangen Abeng Station...




Sometimes I Get The Feelin' I was back in the old days, long ago. When we were kids, when we were young, things seemed so perfect.. you know?
The days were endless, we were crazy, we were young. The sun was always shinin', we just lived for fun. Sometimes it seems like lately, i just don't know the rest of my life's been just a show. You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide. It won't be same. I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride, when life was just a game. No use sitting and thinkin' on what you did. When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids. Sometimes it seems like lately i just don't know, which one better, sit back or go with the flow. One fine day, i shall be there again. I shall taste all victories from my past. Though the place won't be the same, but the memories remain unchanged in my heart...already tattooed on my mind...

Caltex Camp Duri, it finaly make sense....

+ Diving in Tulamben Bali: USS Liberty Ship Wreck +

gue dapet tawaran dive disini dengan harga murah, on this december!
Wooohooooo a SHIP WRECK! Dream come true, baby! Impian gue selama ini!

kemaren, kata dive masternya sih disini shark point, manta ray dan TURTLE!! Jadi tambah penasaran dan ga sabaaar! Ship Wreck lebih menarik dan menantang dari pada corals.
Pergi ga yaaa?? ajakin siapa tapi? Hmmm.... apa ajak temen gue yang gila diving juga kali ya..? Oddy, jadi mau ikut ga lu??

Dare to join me, anyone?? Let's go dive!

Blue Sky in The End of November

today, the blue sky appears from my morning window. Lovely as a summer breeze, though it's Novemeber now. Haven't seen this for a while.

And today, as we touch our tea cups together, i know after all, life is simple. Do NOT complicate it.

i have tasted my own funural today

it's over and done.
me and him.
i didn't cry that night. not a single tear runs on my face.
i felt emptiness. part of me was dead. deadman can't cry.
and i guess i start to like this feeling. i like being dead.
he was just a memory now.
i have had my own nightmare. I have tasted my funeral.

someday, some other time, ...will be loved again.

Lullaby Of The Angel

I'm not to young to notice, too innocent to see,

that Angels all around me trying to break free.

There must be an answer, I know it in my heart.

And if I knew the question, I would surley ask.

Sometimes I pretend they're not gone

and the world still a wonderful song, nothing is wrong.

They say that they are leaving, their work has all been done.

They say that they are flying back towards the sun.

I know they must have a reason to leave us all alone.

But tell me, do the angels have a home?

When the angels are waving goodbye,

I'm smiling but deep down I cry, wondering why....

Bizzare Food.. boy, this one is bizzare enough!

I just watched another series of Bizzare Food on Travel&Living channel, and Andrew Zimmern ate IGUANA curry a la Tobago and Trinidad!!

Yuuuck!

I still can not eat anything for the next 4 hours!

Thinking is Rehearsing

Thinking is rehearsing in fantasy for the role you have to play in society. And when it comes to performance, and you're not sure whether your performance will be well received, then you get stage fright.

This stage fright has been given by psychiatry: anxiety. "What will i have to say on examination? "what will i say to my lecturer?" You meet a boy and think "what will i have to wear to impress him?" And so on. All this is rehearsing for the role you play. We manipulate the enviroment by being helpless, by staying stupid, asking questions, wheedling flattering, where the result is that we come to the sticking point or impasse.

In neorosis ap part of our personality or of our potential is not available. "Awareness continuum", "discovering" and "becoming" fully aware of each actual experience. If you can't stay with this, you will soon come across some experience that is unpleasant, this critical moment, is the frequent interuruption of whether we experience in now. This interruption of awareness continuum prevents maturation, prevents therapy from becoming successful, prevents marriage from becoming richer and deeper, and prevents inner conflicts from being resolved.

The impasse occurs when we can not produce our own support and when the enviromental support is not forthcoming. One person has no eyes, another no ears, another no legs to stand on, another no prespective, another no emotion. In oreder to fill these voids, which are usually experienced as boredom with life, emptiness, loneliness, we have to get trhough the impasse and through the frustrations of the impasse, which usually lead us to shortcut the frustrations and with them the whole learning process.


..i think, therefore i'm a thinker.

Lullaby of the Chaos

when the way is lost, there is goodness
when the goodness is lost, there is morality
when morality is lost, there is ritual
ritual is the husk of faith, the beginning of chaos..

Hilang

Kesal!
Hari ini saya kehilangan beberapa barang-barang yang saya perlukan. Remote TV saya hilang (yang saya yakin sebenarnya tidak "hilang" secara literal), begitu juga dengan foto saya ketika di Bahrain. Remote TV sangat amat saya butuhkan, karena saya ingin menonton home decor di style channel saat ini. Kalo ga ketemu, bagaimana saya bisa ganti itu channel tv dong??

Sementara itu, saya juga berencana ingin men-scan foto saya di teluk persia itu, untuk di perbesar, di simpan dengan aman dalam hard disk laptop, dan (mungkin) akan saya bingkai untuk di pajang. Hmmmm.. Kenangan indah di teluk Persia, menginjakkan kaki di pasir disana. Saya beruntung bisa mengunjungi Manama, si kota minyak ini.

Kalo kata guru ngaji saya ketika SD, "kalo barang-barang hilang ato berpindah tempat, itu berarti di pindahin Tuyul".. Heran, kok guru ngaji bisa percaya hal-hal seperti itu? Bukannya saya nggak percaya hal-hal spiritual ato tahyul, tapi untuk kasus "barang-barang hilang/berpindah tempat" dalam rumah sendiri sih, ya karena memang dipindahin sama manusia. Mungkin saya lupa naro di mana foto itu, mungkin pacar saya yang suka mendominasi acara tv, asal naro remote tersebut, ato mungkin juga kakak saya "memindah tangankan" remote itu. Yang pasti sih bukan "dicuri tuyul". Mungkin juga, si guru ngaji saya ini nggak berwawasan luas dan masih percaya tahyul-tahyul kampung karena dia ada dilingkungan seperti itu. Bisa jadi, dan saya yakin itu.

Yasudahlah, saya mau cari makanan aja kalo gitu.. Kalo ga salah, masih ada roti sosis dan cokelat cake dari Bread Talk yang begitu menggiurkan...

Bon Apettite everyone!

Lullaby Of The Dissappeared

Close your eyes. What is it? What do you seek? What have you lost? Remember the girl who lost her golden love once?

An old man asked her, "what are you looking for"
She said, not far from tear, " I'm looking for God".
Taking her hand, he said, "just look.. what a beautiful thimble i found today"

There is love that is the affinity of shared harmonies, and there is love that is a self-senctifying, gesture, loving one's own image of what another should be..

Finally

hi!

it's 1.00am in Jakarta time, and i'm wide awake. Not too long ago, i have a blog in wordpress.com. but i forgot my password, yet i also forgot my url. so here i go, creating a new blog as my daily-life journal. It's good to write everything on blog instead of keep those stories safely on my notebook.

Anyway, i'm going to make my first blog short.
So, welcome soraya.......